A Journey, My Journey

Over this holiday period I have written a few poems. I didn't set out to write them, and when I'm trying to sleep they usually come, so I have to write. Here is one for you: My Truth It’s my truth, it’s how it’s got to be, I can’t help the fact that you can’t see. You can’t see my joy,  You never saw my pain,  I need to be me and live from this strain. Ever tried fitting in, it just doesn’t work.  You have to find your own truth, see how to fly, Or there will come a time where life has passed you by. I hope one day you will see what has passed you by, The person being true , who has gone on to fly. To fly , to sore, to become. Like the Phoenix from the flames they have shone.

When I came out again in February to the world I said I was Non Binary. Now at the time I felt that was the safest option, it gave me time to find myself and also inform others change was occurring. Now after 10 months of change, affirming who I am, I can say I am a Trans Guy. I am a guy who is so friggin happy to be able to say this and feel me it is just awesome.  Yes it's scary as fuck, but I need to be authentic to me , no one else. I'm stopping hiding behind the shadows, if people don't like me or who I am that is their problem and not one I am willing to take on. So why has it taken from 8 to now to get here. Self protection. Nothing more , nothing less. The need to feel strong enough to be my authentic self was huge , it's a fucking struggle. But I'm a guy, I was always a guy , just to scared to be me . I didn't get the support at the age of 8 so I suppressed my feelings. I have hid behind a wall for so long, but I've been breaking down that wall and ...

It's taken a long road to finally accept myself and the journey to get to this point has been challenging. I have been following and talking to my now coach/mentor for a while and finally started sessions with them. I wasn't expecting too much, I mean it was a first session. But what I got was powerful and I'm going to share some feelings from that.  (Alex website)  Connecting with Alex has helped me realise my worth. This last week was a start of a new dawn for me , I say this as the feeling I had following my 1st session. I felt and feel strong.  Saying goodbye to the word stupid in regards to me and embracing 8 year old CHé in a hug was powerful. Yes I did this. I was told I was stupid growing up for believing I was a boy, for not being as academic as my twin brother and allegedly troublesome. How many times I heard the word stupid in reference to myself led me to take on that word and own it. Maybe I did this to bury my true feelings,  be accepted and fit in an a...