A new day
I do feel that it's a constant battle trying to be allowed to be the person I have desired to be for so long I forget how much I have achieved since announcing to the world of my personal acceptance.
Let's reflect together and allow this ADHD brain of mine, that has limited understanding of time, patience or a need to wait when a decision is made, ADHD let me be, for just for a while.
First I want to apologise for my non stop, excitement and chat to some. It is out of being suppressed and oppressed for so long I have a tendency to go on a huge purge and become hyper fixated at times. I just want to say to those who I know I've been intense with to tell them it's ok to say "shut the fuck up CHé" , I hear ya, I just need a reminder when in hyper fixated mode.
So if we go back to that day where I could contain my thoughts and feelings any longer , it was only February. However to have had this contained for 40+ years seems like an age away.
February was the 'coming out' to my wife, and start telling friends. Everyone either were not surprised or accepted me for me, that's the sign of true friends.
March, informing work of pronouns changing at work. GP informed and discussion held with him about support.
March I found my first private gender specialist psychologist, who gave me my first diagnosis and agreed the initial pathway of top surgery, what a day that was, and only 3 months ago.
April I started considering name change and felt somewhat forced into this by someone in work maybe sooner than I would have, it was coming but their lack of understanding it was my pathway to take and changing my name was not something to make things easier for others was hard to take. I was also researching surgeons, what a minefield that is too.
May I had 3 weeks from work as I was feeling overwhelmed by everything and needed time for me to start processing, accepting me and allowing myself to be happy.
For someone who has never truly been happy in themselves that is a huge ask. There were some challenges in work that also that needed addressing and not making transition and easy path. HR have a lot of learning to do on how to treat people where I work. Also the processes are so out dated , I know I'm not the first person to transition there but I felt it.
So now it's June, I have returned to work, new name badge , the systems have finally caught up as have departments and I had my second psychologist assessment and gender dysphoria diagnosis. They also agree to top surgery and recommended Testosterone being introduced after sharing additional feelings regarding the disphoric feeling. The feeling of euphoria is quite overwhelming. I have been heard and that's not something I have been used to.
June has been full of meeting new people, new experiences and an overwhelming sense of love, the haters will always hate and they can FK off. I am Non Binary Trans and I am here to stay. I am grateful for those who have been there and stand with me and will always be greatful for this support.
So the next steps are coming, today I have a 30 mins consultation with my GP, he saw the email I sent over after my appointment with Dr P and gave me a double appointment. He admits he is learning, however he has been so supportive I am very lucky to have him as my GP.
July brings 2 surgeon consultations, I need to make sure the surgeon is right for me and believe seeing 2 should be the minimum if you are privileged to be able to do this. My aim is to get fitter for surgery early next year, and I am trying to not rush this, although I need it so badly.
So a lot has happened in 6 months, it is only 6 months CHé, it may feel like years. Updates on my journey will surely follow.
The car is now charged , off to the Isle of Wight Festival as my authentic self for the first time I go.
#TransJoy 🏳️⚧️🏳️🌈🫶
Comments
Post a Comment