PRIDE 2024 - Oxford
Yesterday was the 2024 Oxford Pride, this is my local Pride and one I have attended several times before. I have lived in various places in the UK and attended many Pride events. So what is different this year.
2024 was the mark of a new era for me. I have finally been able to be my authentic self for the first time in my life. Although I have attended Pride events as a Lesbian since my early 20s I was never my authentic self. Attending Pride as myself was scary and euphoric at the same time.
Scary because I knew people would dead name me as not everyone one knew about my change. Scary because I wondered how it would feel being me and how I would be received for want of a better word. Also, I had been chosen as a photographer for this years Pride, a great accolade in itself as I only took up photography 2 years ago when I was recovering from Covid (that is another story as that was a very long battle). Euphoric , because I was being true to myself and something that had been a long time coming. I have spoke about the euphoria feeling before, and many have never felt this or needed to feel this. This euphoria comes from the place of just being true and is a feeling I wish I could bottle. Its the best feeling that is not provided by taking an illegal substance , that’s the only explanation I can give.
However at the moment to be my real self I have to hide the enormous breasts I have been provided with, some may see them as a gift, I see them as ugh , not something I associate with and wish to have on my body. The more I have to think about them the more dissociated from them I become. They are distressing for me and although I try to ignore the feelings they never go away and I need to dress them the best way I can to hide their existance.
To start the preparation for Pride off to the shower and then to bind. For those that are reading this not knowing what binding is, it is a way of taping down the breasts so they are less female forming and in your face. When you are larger in this area this is difficult so I use tape and a binder. This is a top that is made out of rigid material to hold them flatter, and tape that is for skin but a bit like gaffer tape. The task of taping and binding takes some time so I have to be prepared in plenty of time. Getting to the venue for 9am on a Saturday morning was not easy going, i’m normally in bed at that time on any other Saturday.
Binding done, camera packed, off I go to pride , with my amazing wife Sarah. We have been together 9 years and married 7. We have been through many challenges together and although my ‘coming out’ has not been easy it is something we are working through and will continue to do so , becoming stronger each day that passes. It was not a real shock to her , however still a shock when I blurted it out that early morning all the same . However strong your relationship is, when you blurt something out that you have had bottled up for some time its like a fizzy bottles lid coming off. Yup everything exploding out and maybe not the way intended. However her we are and doing great all the same.
Once there we were greeted by the Pride Chair who directs us where to get our Crew pass and then we are free to roam. The day was met with loads of photographing opportunities and I took approx 2000 photos on the day including a Lady Gaga tribute who was amazing.
There were a couple of things that made this Pride extremely special , making it one Pride I will not forget in a hurry. Being ones authentic self may not be something many of you need to consider , however when you are Non Binary, Trans or not gender conforming in any other way, this is somewhat of a challenge for us. It can be one hell of a long journey to get to the point of self acceptance and for me it’s taken 51 years to get to here. So when I was greeted by a colleague who has known of my transition but I have not seen in person since starting this journey; to be hugged and greeted so warmly was the start of a beautiful day, they are a very special person and someone who has been so very supportive in work.
Throughout the day I met several people, many whom I have not seen for quite a while, and for them to greet me as Che and just accepting me as me was another thing that made my day awesome. Them telling me I seemed so much happier and taller. I haven’t grown at all but maybe I am just holding myself different , with more confidence. I met new people and to tell them my name , without question and them just knowing me as Che is huge another great win. Friendships were formed yesterday and numbers exchanged and meet ups agreed.
As the day progressed I met someone I vaguely knew from a work capacity. When we saw one another we hugged and they said to me they were so relieved I had been able to be me, apparently they knew I was NB before I fully knew. We had clocked each other, never really speaking about anything in particular but both wanting to. As this was in a work capacity it never seemed the ‘right time’, but I also knew that there was something not true about how they were. I never remembered their name for some strange reason and yesterday I learnt why this was probably the case. It appears this is not the name they use in their life out of work and hadn’t been for sometime, maybe subconsciously I knew, I mean I had been doing the same for years not being true to myself, why have they been any different. Maybe my sixth sense knew they were like me too. To feel connected with someone in such a random way , without really speaking or knowing one another has been rather mind-blowing and something I actually cannot fathom. Im still trying to work this out.
However I do believe we are drawn to people for a reason whether that’s emotional, social or spiritual growth , but I do think there is a reason to meet those we do on our life journeys.
It is written about in many areas that the idea that some people come into our lives for a reason is a common theme in several philosophical and spiritual beliefs. It is suggested that people may enter our lives for a variety of reasons, even if their presence is not permanent. Research suggests there are 5 key areas as to why this may happen:
Learning and Growth: Sometimes people come into our lives to teach us important lessons or help us grow in some way. These lessons could be about ourselves, relationships, or the world around us.
Support and Guidance: Certain individuals may cross our paths to offer us support, guidance, or comfort during difficult times. They may provide encouragement, advice, or a different perspective that helps us navigate challenges or make important decisions.
Inspiration and Motivation: Encounters with certain people can inspire us to pursue our goals, dreams, or passions. Their presence may ignite a spark within us, motivating us to strive for more or make positive changes in our lives.
Connection and Shared Experiences: Some people enter our lives to share experiences, create memories, or form connections that enrich our lives in some way. Even if these relationships are brief, they can leave a lasting impact on us and shape our perspective on the world.
Timing and Serendipity: Sometimes people cross our paths simply due to timing or serendipity. Whether it's a chance meeting or a brief encounter, these interactions can have unexpected consequences and lead to new opportunities or insights.
Although the people we may meet along the way may not stay in our lives forever or not even a season it is my strong belief that they are there for a reason and a purpose and it is for us to hopefully see the reason and learn from it.
If this person ever reads this post I hope they also believe there is a reason for us both. I know out of the 5 the reasons why I believe we have met and I hope we can learn and support one another how our destinies have shown us.
Has this ever happened to you where you can’t explain why or how but that person has just been in your life and lessons have been learnt. If you haven’t have you been aware of people coming into your lives for no apparent reason? Maybe there was a missed learning opportunity. I never take for granted those that come into my life. I believe accepting myself has allowed more doors to become open to me. If there is one thing taken from reading this please keep your eyes, mind, heart and soul open to those opportunities to grow and learn. There is a reason for them being there, how insignificant it may feel at the time.
If you have enjoyed reading this chapter of my journey please consider donating to : Che Top Surgery Fund
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