The Journey


The road of Non Binary Trans Masc has been a long one for me and continues to be a journey of discovery. I am sharing this firstly because I am enjoying talking about my journey and secondly if it helps anyone to understand the challenges are usual then this is why.



Today was my second psychologist assessment to confirm my gender dysphoria. (For any transphobes out there , before commenting please get a life and leave me alone.)

I have it confirmed for the second time I have gender dysphoria and some may ask why 2 assessments. I learnt today that when someone in the UK comes out as Non Binary there is no way the surgeons will process this as they still see only work by the ideal of two binaries either, Male or Female. 


To get the privately funded medical intervention the medics need to understand the Non Binary person has one preferred leaning to process them. For me I am certainly on the non binary trans masc side of things and as such they were able to agree (again) that top surgery is for me and is going to be the recommended path.

Before today I have been questioning my gender pathway and where it is taking me, and talking with the psychologist about my journey I was able to realise this is somewhat the beginning for me. I realised today that my pathway is more binary in the masculine form that I anticipated and accepting this was huge for me. It's has always been questioned from an early age. A huge relief was felt today and another part of me starting to feel good about myself. 

When seeing the therapist you have to complete some background details. As such the therapist identified from my writing, to then meeting me that I will not just be comfortable with top surgery and my journey will need Testosterone. I had not verbalised this prior to today and agreed there are other areas I will remain unhappy with, the hour glass figure won't change without some intervention. I had thought it but not said it out loud before. 


 Accepting this and discussing it was another milestone and goes to show the journey we face in transition is a continuum and a journey that is a long winding one. To be able to accept the challenges the evolving feelings show us we need to be in a place of acceptance. I am now in that place of acceptance and to say out lout I am non binary tans masc is another part of our journey I am accepting.

Part 2

Never did I expect some of the things that have happened and are happening right now.

1stly I have lived, knowing what it's like living with a trans person for 9 years, but it isn't until you are there and it is happening to you the emotional onslaught from the phobics and haters is enormous. It's a daily battle just to have your pronouns used, your name used and others around you to treat you as a human. I don't want people to understand non binary/trans, I just want to be accepted as a person. I don't think that's too much to ask but their are certainly those out there who do and the elections are not helping. With politicians of the two main parties feeding the hate I just wish other parties had the voice to speak up and be a stronger party.

The next thing is the emotional acceptance of feelings. I have not had any sexual desire or feelings several years, however since accepting myself I have feelings of attraction. Surprisingly not to woman as I always have, but non binary trans masc people.

Before going any further, for those reading this who know me and identify as such , it's ok I'm not gonna jump on you !!

To say I have met some great people on my journey has been a privilege,  the feelings I feel are the feeling of a connection to a person and their identity rather than a sexual desire at this stage. However I do believe it's a further part of self discovery. I mean how can I feel another if I don't allow myself to feel me and understand the true me. Being true to me is why I believe I am starting to feel again, and feeling an emotional connection, something I have been resisting because I haven't allowed myself or been ready to allow myself to be is affirming.

I am sure there are more things I will learn about myself, and you will follow me on this journey of self discovery.







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