Dysphoria and binding, a double edged sword ⚔️

If you ever wondered what dysphoria is or feels like I'm going to explain how I have been feeling.
I have never been fully comfortable with my body and if you have read earlier blog posts you will understand why and for how long.

Since I "came out" in Feb I have accepted me for me, however with acceptance is also the reality that there are parts of my body that just don't feel right and sit right with me. The more I see them, think about them, the more uncomfortable I have become. Now I have unmasked the period in my life of pretending to be , I can no longer hide my discomfort regarding my chest. Some days the dysphoria hits real hard, causing stress and anxiety big time and me wanting to hide away from the world. If I could cut them off without causing real harm to myself I would. 

Today could have been one of those days I would have been happy to have hid away, however I had plans with a very good friend and didn't want to let them down.
It resulted in me wearing a binder and usually I try to restrict this to no more than 8 hours, however I am still sat on a train and it's now nearly 13 hours , the train is delayed and the toilet door won't open, so I can't go in and remove it. Although the binder has helped today, it needs to come off as I am now very uncomfortable physically.
 The use of a binder helps so much, it flattens the look of a chest and when you are large chested like me the difference it makes is big, however having squashed tits is not something that is comfortable and if I didn't need to I would not recommend this, but needs must and I have to do this to help the dysphoria I feel, especially when on public.

I know binding does not rid the dysphoria, it does not make the chest disappear, but it makes it easier to manage how I feel when looking at myself.

Anxiety has become more apparent since my "outing", I am unsure if the ADHD has played a part in this and it is an accumulation of things that are causing me to feel this way, however anxiety and the feeling it gives is not something I am relishing right now.
It's safe to say it's a challenge at the moment, but I know things will improve, I hayto remain positive. I have surgery booked and although 3.5 months away it is happening and I am so happy about having a date.

As a result of the emotions I am feeling I may not be my usual self, but things will change and I will be back as the better version of self and my authentic me. The financial cost of funding this is huge so if you can help me in any way it would be appreciated.Top surgery Fund




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