Change

I am coming to the end of my sessions with the fabulous Alex and wow what a life changing experience this has been.
I was not in a great place October/ November time, I hid behind the smiles, the mask I had put up for years to mask to the outside world the truth and I was getting to breaking point.

Yes I was so happy surgery was coming and wow the euphoria after surgery, but there was so much more I had buried and had to deal with to be able to be happy in myself, love myself and rid the shame and guilt.

Once I was able to look within, see what I had accepted from others as true was far from it I was able to challenge my thinking, reframe how I thought about myself and begin to live myself and thrive.

Did I ever believe it was possible to feel this was then, no , far from it. I'm now feeling the most complete in my entire life. I have rid some ghosts, I have closed doors on some chapters and alough they will always be in my history I won't allow myself to be defined by them, because I am me , I am CHé and I am worthy. 

Learning, working through stuff and reframing has opened up a new chapter and I am looking forward to where I am going.

Yes I am leaving a home and wife , yes I am leaving a job i have had for 6 years, yes I am moving away from people I know, but England is not a big country, those people will always be there for me as that is friendship. The new job is the fit for me right now on my journey and who knows where it will take me.
The new home will be mine, to live as I want to live, under no one else's boundaries but my own.

I have read some great books, started Breathwork with Alex and it has helped change my life. Meeting Alex was always meant to be, it was written in the stars. I believe our paths were destined to cross so he could aid my journey of recovery. I cannot thank Alex enough, I know he sees the change in me, I know he is aware and proud how I have embraced this part of my journey. But I am not sure if he knows how fundamental he has been and I will forever be grateful to this guy for being there when I needed and offering the support as he has. It's more than a job to Alex, and for those , especially those within the trans community needing some guidance I urge you to reach out to him.

Now, my journey is not over, it is just beginning. I am the Phoenix from the flames , I am the caterpillar and the butterfly. I am embracing life and any challenges it may bring and living, for the first time, really living.
The downs will never be as they once were because I love myself, I know I am more than able to achieve, I am no longer lonely, ashamed or guilty.
The work will continue, I will continue to grow and learn. 

If you take one thing from this remember it's never too late.


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